Overcoming an unhappy or abusive childhood or youth is not easy. Unresolved, it can leave you with problems like depression and anxiety. It can leave you feeling insecure about yourself and untrusting of the world.  It makes being emotionally close and trusting of others difficult. Unresolved childhood traumas can cause you to feel discouraged, frustrated and alone.  And the idea that you can resolving your childhood trauma, that your life will be more positive and that you’ll feel better about yourself seems pretty hard to believe.

You may think “I just can’t solve this” or “I can’t make my life better.” But you’re wrong. That’s just the weight of your problems tricking you into believe you can’t. Trust me, making things better for yourself—Yes you can!

Whether it was bullying, abuse, or neglect, the truth is you have the potential, the ability to overcome the pain, anxiety, and loss you suffered. How do I know that? For one, considering what you’ve been through how did you get this far? How are you able to keep going?  You know it’s been hard and yet, there’s something inside you that has kept you going this long. That keeps you going.  You have strengths and resilience inside you.

Accepting that you have internal strengths and resilience, recognizing it, and building on that is key!

So, healing from abuse may seem impossible, but it’s not. Of course, I don’t want to mislead you into thinking there’s some kind of quick-fix. There isn’t. It’s hard work. And it takes time. But it’s very impossible.

Sure, these are encouraging words, but who is this counsellor guy anyway. What does he know about abuse or trauma, being depressed and feeling hopeless? What does he know about real suffering?

If I hadn’t been through some pretty horrible things myself as a young person—and recovered—and created a rich, rewarding life for myself I wouldn’t be saying this to you. Recovery from the trauma I went through was something I thought was impossible–especially for someone like me. “Maybe others can get better, but I can’t. I’m too damaged (useless, stupid, incompetent)”. That’s what I used to think—and I was wrong. And being wrong sometimes is really great!

Now I get to share what I’ve learned with you. I get to share my hope for you and your life.

But it isn’t just my own healing and growth that makes me so confident that you can make the positive changes you want. For over 20 years now, I’ve been helping other’s like you recover from all kinds of childhood abuse and trauma, grow and make the life they really want. You can too.

Here’s a few suggestions of how to start:

1-Accept that you have internal strengths and resilience.  Take time to recognize it in yourself.  Knowing what you went through, what did it take for you to survive that?  What did it take for you to cope with that?  What did it take for you to keep going?  Building on it in this way is key!

2-Take time to think about your life, your childhood and how it has impacted you and your life today. Childhood bullying, child abuse and childhood trauma can leave you with many difficulties. What are you struggling with the most? Is it relationship difficulties, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem or some other challenge?  Where are you impacted the most? What do you need the most care and support with? How can you get some of that care and support?

3-Do you blame yourself in some way?  Did you choose what happened to you?  Did you ever have a say?  As a child, did you even understand what was going on?  Be honest with yourself and let yourself know how hard it really was.  Be honest and remind yourself of how old you were and think about any child or young person in that situation–what would they do faced with the same abuse?

4-Get information on the kind of abuse or trauma that you’re dealing with through books and reputable websites and start learning about and better understanding what you are dealing with. Do this knowing that the effort to make things better in your life is worth it.

5-Start doing the work you need to heal from the childhood abuse. If your main challenge is depression, learn what helps reduce the symptoms of depression and do more of what makes you feel good. If it’s anxiety, learn about managing anxious thoughts, and learn self-calming exercises and relaxation techniques.  Other issues include shame, low self-esteem, fear of intimacy, relationship proplems, anger, distrust, isolation, as well as many others.  Do this knowing you are worth it.

6-Learn how to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated, not the way you’re used to being treated. Ask yourself, “do I treat myself the same way I do as someone I care about?” Practice treating yourself more like someone you care about.

7-Don’t keep it inside because the only thing your protecting is the pain, and the last thing your protecting is yourself. Talk to others. Share with family and friends about what you’ve been through. Feel what it’s like to lighten the load you’ve been carrying, to feel less alone, heard, supported.

8-Connect with others who are positive. Connect with family and friends, with acquaintances and co-workers. Spend time socializing with friends. Chat with a neighbour. Spending time with others who are even mildly positive elevates low mood in depression and helps calm some people when their anxious. Being with others who are positive has many healing affects, and spending time with people feel good being around is one of the most positive things you can do for yourself.

9-Childhood abuse and Trauma can leave deep wounds.  Following these tips is important and can be very helpful, but depending on what you’re dealing with it may not be enough.  You may need to speak to  counsellor specially trained in helping you resolve childhood trauma and abuse issues.  Look for someone who specializes with treating adults with child abuse and trauma histories.  And look for someone who is a good fir for you.

My hope for you is that your pain is lessened and eventually gone, that you come to treat yourself like you would a good friend, that you experience joy.

 

Kevin Richardson is a counsellor and coach specializing in treating childhood traumas, which often involves issues of anxiety, depression, self-esteem and relationship challenges.

If you or someone you love is interested in learning more about treatment, we offer a free consultation. We are experienced in helping adults with unresolved childhood issues, including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, anger and trauma. Call us to learn more at 801-855-7999.